Dadcat University

Once the No-Names made their presence known, life at the barn was never the same as the sisters worked diligently to create escalating acts of outrageousness. They squashed their faces against the plastic divider whenever I entered Woodrow and Muffin’s room, angling to see what we were doing. Then, the wrestling noises started, Wham! Plunk! followed by what sounded like metal objects being hurled at the wall. “What are you doing in there?” I bellowed. There was momentary silence and the noise resumed. I climbed on the orange chair to peek over the plastic into their room. The No-Names stared up at me with false innocence. Their smug expressions said, “What? Us? We’re not doing anything.” But their tails twitched like they’d spotted a plump mouse, only their eyes were glued on me. They perched on some sort of metal frame propped against the wall to get closer to me and used it as a diving platform. They pretended to lunge at my face and practiced their intimidation moves, causing me to duck as they vaulted for the plastic curtain. As incomprehensible as it was to them, the No-Names realized Woodrow and Muffin and I actually had fun together. They cried behind the plastic when Woodrow chased string or whacked the scratch post and he generally ignored them. Disturbed by their crying, Muffin investigated the trouble and concluded they were fakers preying on our sympathies. She didn’t want them in her room; they had bad manners and absolutely no self-discipline. She knew they’d turn her neat living quarters into a fraternity house. Woodrow stretched out under the orange chair and casually observed the battle of wits between his sisters. He supported Muffin of course, even though her fastidiousness was a bit excessive. The No-Names didn’t bother him much. But Muffin’s habits had worn off on him and Woodrow tended toward neatness. He didn’t really want them in the room either. The No-Names meowed more adamantly when they were ignored. After listening to this long enough, I stood on the chair again and looked down at them. “You can’t come in here, you’re trouble-makers.” The No-Names’ response was to swish their tails and move to the corner where a steam pipe was visible. The pipe ran from the ceiling to a sizeable hole in the floor. One No-Name climbed in the hole and sat on the sub-floor so only her chest and head were visible. Having my undivided attention, she turned, dove headfirst into the hole and disappeared. The remaining No-Name kept staring at me, waiting for me to have some dramatic reaction to her sister’s clever exit. “So what do you think of that! Huh?” “Where does the hole go?” “None of your business,” she said, “you’ll have to figure it out yourself.” With that snippy remark, she too dropped out of sight.